God talked to me last night. attempted to help me understand what’s happened over the past couple of years. why so many people have been removed. all my fault, except the closest ones. people i thought i’d have with me forever are long gone now.
i claim to miss them. even try to convince myself by getting down about it, but God showed me that wasn’t sincere. just me not wanting to admit i was wrong about so many people. me not really wanting to move on.
He showed me everyone that’s here now. showed how they’ve been as good to me as I’ve been to them. unwavering. i understand He wants me to appreciate them all. and i do. but i don’t appreciate anyone as much as i appreciate you.
i awake after a short slumber and crave some lauryn hill. you are just like the water. can’t wait to see you and hold you in my arms, however briefly. is this how it feels to really want forever with someone? it is more beautiful than anything i have ever felt, anything i have ever known.